A Deli-cious Performance

            Okay, so the Lost Playwrights did their monthly thing again at Dock’s Deli in Hendersonville, NC.

            First of all, let me say that for a complete non-profit, donation at the door group I must say that I was duly pleased to discover that this group serves up entertainment as juicy, well cut, and well seasoned as one might expected from a full blown TicketMaster ™ Carnegie (theater? Deli? – both in NY, NY) show.

            This time the intrepid Lost Playwrights and their affiliate members served up a rather daring and slightly racy assortment of plays, some more deserving of condoms than condiments, that while being perhaps a bit adult were never crass, obscene or unpalatable.

            The first selection, a tasty little offering from one of the LP’s more reluctant chef’s, founder Ludy Wilkie, was a spiffy and appetizing item entitled Bailout, featuring long time reader, Gordon Pendarvis as a harried congressman who has two rather unusual side items on his daily docket.

            The first, a lady (of the night) from Nevada, comes seeking a bailout for her highly venerable (let’s just say it is the oldest known) profession. This highly intelligent Madam, read skillfully by Debbie Keller, proceeds to explain why she deserves a bailout.

And then we have constituent number two. A real gentleman, given to wearing mourning in the morning and in fact the whole day through. After all, whilst he also runs a parlor of sorts – you might say his clientele is rather dead.

Here we have the not so humble undertaker, read in a sonorous baritone by Clyde Keller, and frankly he is not in a growth industry.

How many more could use a hand up? Apparently far to many – and a final bailout is in order as congressman X bails on the whole nine yards.

We end this little comedy full of delightful puns and glorious twists on a high note. How high? I could not say. Depends on where our congressman’s office is…and how does it all come out?

The next entree, A Nice Restaurant in the Foothills is served up to us by long time writer, Jane Sperry – and does not (surprise) include her most famous character, Zelda Divine. Rather it serves as the entrée for a three part mini-meal within a meal and introduces us to two new characters – aspiring playwright, Barkley Moss, played with verve by repeat reader, Leslie Jones and Katty Juke, love interest, as read by relative newcomer, Valerie Newkirk. It’s a nice tidy little introduction in which we learn the flavors of these two as they get acquainted.

After that, a surprise reading of a one page bit entitled The Best Internet Joke Ever – a quick comedic morsel that elicited a lot of laughs. This piece was read for us by Ellen Palmer, a newcomer in my experiences, and a charming new taste to add to the LP stew. Welcome, Ellen.

This was followed up by our second serving of the three part Jane Sperry dish, entitled, Another Nice Restaurant in the Foothills, wherein the further adventures of Barkley and Katty are offered up for consideration and digestion.

We were then treated to a smooth and creamy ice cream overtoned ( and memorized!) monologue by in house comedian Tom Bennett, entitled The Green River County Fair.

Here we have a tale of a rural boy’s adventures and misadventures with the fairer sex as told us by one of his better friends. This is a fast paced little number, filled with detail and regional spices which takes place somewhere hereabouts in the Appalachains and also at Myrtle Beach, NC where we rednecks go to develop red bodies and splash in the ocean. Filled with pickled eggs, antiquarian swimsuits, Speedos, girls, and potatoes, this is definitely a taste of Southern humor that is really too good to miss.

Intermission then served up a soupcon of harmonica blues played by a young man, not included upon the program, more the pity, who was introduced only as Jose. Oh well, well played, Jose.

And thus we come, to Act Two.

Time for a cup of coffee…liberally spiked with brandy…and a little something served up Italian style.

The opener for this course was presented to us by published author, Ned Condini, and was entitled The Naughty Prostitute with A Heart of Gold.  

Now, Ned is actually better known for his heavier fare and he writes poetry and short plays with a more Mediterranean and even desert feel with flair, so I was pleased to see that he was capable of serving up something a little lighter.

The mulligan provided? The first man (Gordon Pendarvis) meets another man (Tom Bennett) in the foyer of a brothel. Man, the first, strongly suspects MAN, the second, of being well, not normal. There are no stated allegations but homosexuality, incompetence, impotence, and general weirdnesses are all hinted at. Result, Man bets MAN that he cannot spend a normal evening with a lady on the board.

The lady, Thin Venus (Valerie Newkirk), is not at all unwarned. Indeed as events conspire we discover that Man has paid her to tell him the full and complete truth about MAN’s prowess. Worse, it transpires that she has a sense of honor – which is to say, she will not accept MAN’s offer of a higher bride. So what is MAN to do? Well, try to talk his way through it – with quite amusing results. And Man? Well as Madame (Debbie Keller) can attest – perhaps he is not quite normal either. He spends his time just trying to chose.

            Next up, we have our third serving of Jane Sperry’s soup of love, and things have considerable heated up; what started out as consommé is now a steaming cauldron of highly stirred ingredients. Catty’s Apartment brings things nicely to a boil for Barkley and Katty, and all ends in high good taste.

            And finally, we get to our evening’s just desserts. Feeding Time at the Human House by David Weiner finds us in a baboon enclosure and Bernie Baboon (Gordon Pendarvis) has just slung some…well, it was not hash. It’s Fran Baboon’s (Debbie Keller) birthday and she is feeling blue, so for a little while things get rather existential in the baboon enclosure…but along the way we are treated to a dolphin sandwich of conspiracy, comments on the habits of humans, and speculations as to why we don’t like our butts to swell, whereas Fran wishes hers would do so with more alacrity. A fair amount of fewmets are flung, both literal and metaphorical, but in the end all ends well, or should I say swell?

            So special notes?

            Gordon Pendarvis and Debbie Keller – very well done indeed. Mucho props on the reading and the acting. Valerie Newkirk, also well – if perhaps a little stiffly done. Clyde Keller, nice voice, man.

            To be duly noted, Sam Stone, Master of Ceremonies, and Elizabeth Malzone, Stage Manager and Lighting Technician.

            Complaints?

            Just a very few. A few people need to speak up or loosen up. The whole idea here is to make the audience believe you are someone else and someone REAL. Don’t be afraid to overact – everyone does at first; and as to nerves – well, I do not advocate imagining one’s audience naked, eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww. But I do advocate remembering that they, like you are only human – none of them have goat parts on the bottom where the human bits leave off and none of them are going to strike out with lightning. A bread roll is the worst case scenario.

            Oh and a complaint directed at audiences – and I see this at operas, too – too many people forget that these genres were the TV of their heydays. Shakespeare wrote slapstick and his actors interacted with the audience. Rossini wrote smut and Mozart wrote beer hall bawdys. So loosen up, people. Have fun. Enjoy. Actors need feedback. Applaud; laugh, boo, hell – throw rolls.

(c) D. Elaine Calderin 2009

James A. Rock Publishing

Used with permission

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